I woke up this morning, lying on my mother's bed, screaming.


)': I slept at 130am this morning, I kneel down infront of the window, thinking. Letting the cold air absorb me. I was pathetic. I talked to God. Ha, bet y'all won't believe it but I just keep talking to him, cause I've got no one that I could think of, at that possible situation to talk too. There was one, unavailable. :D

Anyway, I woke up today, screaming. Then I fainted at home, couldn't puke too. Found myself lying down on the toilet floor. Oh FYI, the toilet's clean &dry. Took pills, &i'm better now. My sister went crazy, cause I didn't close the door then she started screaming too. ): I wanted to just die there. Of god, I actually prayed &hoped that i would swoon, which I did. Damnit, Thank God my parents weren't at home. Parents.. ):

Sometimes, I feel like my parents don't want me, so do my siblings, my boyfriend.. &friends. I feel like a loner, or actually I already am. I tried to change which isn't so easy, I can't seem to adjust to be who I am. Why can't I smile when I want to? Why can't you just trust me for one more last time?

I know i'm rambling on &on. I'm sorry, my sentences don't make sense. That's all. ):