It's hard to breathe when I'm looking at you, cause all you ever shown me, was pain.

I am saying this to the 2 of you. I don't know whether the both of you ever read my blog, in any cause I am going to msg you to read it anyway. Yes, cause this post, is especially for you. There's so much thing I wanna say out to you. But as I said before, I don't want to msg you for anything has to concerned to that situation. As much I wanna meet you, I can tell you right now, I won't be able to, anymore.

As for you, I don't know whether if reading this post would cause you to feel anything, I'm really sorry if it did, I'm even more sorry if it ever hinders with your decision or feelings but there's just some things I wanna say out to her. I wanna make sure that you know cause I don't want to meet you afterwards, to tell you everything, to feel your pain &feel hurt again. I would be able to keep joking with you just to make sure you smile. Oh, fuck that fake smile off your face by the way, it's irritating. Sigh.

Listen to me, for once, listen to everything i'm saying here now. You weren't there, you didn't see all the pain &hurt and hear everything single thing that he wanted to say, you didn't give him a chance. You told me to be there for him but you started laughing, cause you know you don't even need to say it out, you know that no matter what I will be there. Fuck tell me, what's my existence there for? I can tell you right now, it's painful to see, it's painful to hear but I can do it willingly. Cause it's him, cause it's you, then he shoot me a question - 'What about you?'

It hurts to write all this out, honestly. I told you my decision, whether I can abide to it it's up to me and how long will it take. Maybe never but that's up to me right? I want you to do something for me, everything that I told you that day, thursday, every single thing we talked about on the bus, on the train..

I want you to forget it, everything that day.

You told me to be selfish, but I can tell you, probably I can only be selfish to one person, &that's me. I would rather hurt myself than the both of you. To the both of you, it's unfair to me, I am getting the most hurt, so I'm telling you, it's okay. It doesn't matter anymore, yes I will continue to get hurt (I'm not gonna fucking lie to the both of you). There's something that I want to tell you. It really made me hurt the most, it is to tell you - he still loves you, all the time.


To you, I am listening to Far Away - Nickelback. Do you even remember why I love this song, before and even now. Ever wondered why the song is called Far Away and how it might imply to you? This is the irony of my deicison: