Every night, before I sleep, I turn to the thing closest to you &said, 'Don't let me go'

Yes, I told you before, that was what I said every night before I went to sleep. &every morning I woke up feeling insecured. I told you everything that's bad yesterday morning, every thing that I've said would have made you love me lesser, but I couldn't lie &you need to know how the situation's like for you. I regret what I've said for a while, but i'll never regret when you were with me, every moment of it.

(It is true that we cherish whoever we had only when they're gone.)

But that doesn't mean that I couldn't cherish you again if we're together. Yes I am direct &I'm really weak now. Not mentally &soully, but physically as well. So many things has happened, my first day of the new year didn't go well at all, everything started horribly, &honestly I have no idea why either.

I woke up at 1pm today, feeling sick again. It rained. I tried to get out of bed, walked 6steps, I holded onto the wall &fell. Cause I couldn't see anything, cause my vision blurred out for 20seconds straight, cause my legs went weak and I couldn't stand still. Yes at this moment, I want to say: 'Thank you house wall'

Right now, my breathing is failing me again &I couldn't breathe well. I think it's asthma. But heck if it is, I wouldn't even be typing here. But I just don't know why, everything when I couldn't breathe well, I have to squart where I am &breathe harder.

Life is tricky. &I need my magical loves around me - Best Med Ever Had.

&I think it's a really big mistake for my family to leave me home alone right now.

(Perharps, I am selfish for wanting to own your whole heart. But is it too much to ask you to be fair because I am giving you my whole heart while you are there just giving me part of yours?)