I wanna tell you, that I'm really sorry - a million times ♥

Hello my lovely readers!

I've been blogging everyday right? Good for you but not good for me, cause of the obvious reason that I am supposed to be studying. Man I hate writing here that I am supposed to be studying cause it's like a self-reminder! But the good thing about it is that I am really studying, like if you tell yourself something everyday, you will work towards it. HAHAHA, weird logic but it might be true.

Well, I'm here today mainly is to apologize to one person - ♥. Cause I've been reading my past posts on my blog. Just from June 2009 to October 2009. I totally skipped November Decemeber and January, cause I didn't want to read it. Feels kinda retarded actually. Cause I don't want to be reminded of all those stuffs again. But I didn't delete those posts either, it's memories still, good or bad it was a part of me. So, I'll let them stay.

Anyway, to ♥, I know you don't understand how I'm feeling right now. I'm not feeling guilty in case you're wondering. Not overly anyway. It's not those I never tell you anything that's why you don't understand kinda thing either. (you never tell me some stuffs also!) So when I was reading my posts. I kinda realize how self-centered I was. Yes ♥ you prolly heard this a thousand times, I took you for granted and I also thought you will also be there for me. I think you were hurt last time. But pray forgive me. I seriously couldn't remember what happened. I remembered everything from the beginning of this relationship - 3rd November 2008. But for the whole of 2009, there are only some stuffs that I could remember.

Yesh I am feeling slightly bad now cause I know you remembered all those stuffs whereas I am a badass for not remembering. But sometimes I wonder, did I forget it on purpose or did I forget it like accidently - like plainly not being able to remember. But I remembered all the outings with Sigit and Maria. When the shop was still there! Gosh I miss the shop. It was a part of those memories as well &how I met your friends - Gaomin, Jenna, Shiwen, Rasul and all. HAHAHA. Anyway, I don't know myself. The memory sorta auto self-erased? &all I can remember was when we were with people and hardly on the times when it was just you and me.

♥, I'm not writing this post to make you feel ): or angry at me. This is some stuffs that I can't get off my chest and I need you to understand. Cause everytime you tell me that you understand. I have this instinct, or feeling that you don't, really. &I wanna cry when you hugged me and say that it's alright, it's okay I don't have to think about it. But since it's on my chest I can't just forget about it as and when I want to. People say that it takes time. But how long?


It's prolly going to take years for me! )':


Ohmygosh please don't misinterpret what I am saying here. What I am talking about is that I hate myself for not being able to remember all the old times. But the thing is, when I re-read my previous post, there isn't much of you that I wrote. &I wonder did I do that on purpose or just plainly I got other stuffs on my mind. Or that we weren't together those days that's why I didn't write. I feel like an idoit, like seriously ): Why couldn't I be better?

Oh no! My inferior complex acting up. The thing that is racing through my mind now is - I'm not worth it, nor am I worth anything.. )':


Ps: &you know something - at the end of writing all these, I have no idea what I am writing about at all.