Back to my good old letter writing therapy ♥


Hello my lovely readers!


It's been long isn't it? At least I think it was long, maybe for a week or so? Anyway, my weekend was great! I enjoyed myself to the fullest, whether I'm with my friends or with my CG mates! All of them are just so awesome♥ Yes I am so in love with them. More with the girls though - Oh do you know, I met this little girl in church, okay she's fifteen but she's like what five years younger and WOOOOH! I got bullied, in a fun way. Okay I'm sadistic. But she's adorable and a joy. Best thing I like about her is her confidence, pricelessss!

So today, can I just share about what the Sermon was last week? Actually, I wasn't able to attend service last week cause of some stuffs in the house. But I managed to rush down &YES I WAS ON TIME! Although I dislike being on time, I didn't had a choice. I prefer being early, can mingle around!

The sermon that day was - Journey of a Dream. It talks about the stages of a dream. It goes like this:

1) The Birth of a Dream
2) The Delay of a Dream
3) The Death of a Dream
4) The Resurrection of a Dream
5) The Fulfillment of a Dream

So this five stages taught me a lot and also about myself. Well, I love to dream and I know the satisfaction of having a dream that comes to pass is really beyond words. Maybe when I was younger, when I still was able to dream I did make them come true, somehow. Whether it's with the help of my dad or whatsoever, the dream did or almost came true. But as I grow up, I noticed that, and this is straight from the heart, I don't have a dream.

I swear, it was like a revelation when I found out again last week. When Pastor asked us what is our dream? For that moment I was just.. Stunned. I found out I don't have a dream! OMGosh. Remember when we were young? The most basic dream our parents want us to have is a dream job. I changed mine so many times that I didn't want to guess anymore. I don't have the confidence or the wits of whatsoever to complete them. Then the pros and cons are always the balance and the burden.

(Yes even when I was 7 to 8 years old, I know what are the pros and cons)

Then the next part would be your dream school right? Well, I never did as expected from my family cause I was lazy and playful. So in the end it was my dad choosing EVERYTHING for me. Not that I let him, I just didn't have a choice. My dad wants us to be scientist and doctors and whatevers. But I wasn't interested in that. NOT AT ALL. So I didn't had a choice, I took triple science, screw it up and didn't do as expected. Then, when I thought wow now I can choose my Poly course, my dearest Dad told me he wants me to take Alevels. But at that point my grades wouldn't good enough cause I failed Combined Humanities. So in the end, I went to MI, the three year JC.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, I never blamed him for whatever he chose for me. However, it started feeling like I didn't have much choices in life and also that the grades that I constantly get are so not that good. I have no one else to blame but myself. But it kinda shows me that I am not good enough for anything.

It's always the case. First, I had this dream, then it got delayed, whether it's because I didn't have the resources or that I lack the ability, it discourages me. &soon, my dream died. &it never got resurrected. &soon enough, I kinda lost the heart to dream. I just take what I have in life and make the fullest out of it. It's what I thought would be the best? Yes it's true, I don't have an aim in life. Just the other day, my buddy Ryan and also my leader Weijie asked me what is my dream, I just stared blankly and said in a matter-of-fact tone that I don't have a dream. It was shocking to both them and me.

But after hearing the sermon, I've decided I am not going to give up! I am going to dream of something or better yet resurrect my own dream. I believe that it would be alright cause I have God! Now people, I know, it doesn't mean that as long as I have God, He will make all my dreams come true. Not entirely true. I believe that God would keep my dream for me. He will present opportunities to me to aid me in my dream. Cause God is a good God! As to how I use the opportunity that is entirely up to me and my will. So this is what I like best, it's like working hand in hand with God. Maybe I sound very idealistic, but that's what it is to me, to someone who lost her aim and her motive to dream. Right now, I still don't know what to dream or what's the motive, but I'm sure with God by my side, anything is possible.


Ps; Hopefully seeing Jordin this weekend, excited much!