Yes, I am a strong person, I will get past this ♥


Hello my lovely readers!

It's the tenth of August now and I, well, just had a realization. Which is the darn fact that I will be starting school in about another 12days. (SO NOT READY FOR IT!) I know, other than those going into the same school as me, the rest of the people have already started school, like NUS and NTU. So the fact that I have like extra 2 more weeks of holidays is a great thing. Isn't it? The irony in all, is that I don't want to go school, and I can't wait for school to get started. But no worries, I am strong, I can get through this.

Actually, my post today might be a little emotional. I don't know where to begin. I might just start blabbering out of nowhere..

You know guys, I always know why Wc would fall for another girl. Well, I spent a long time thinking about it. It could have been a thousand and one reasons that I can choose to believe from, but the one that I seem to always choose is the reason, that I myself, hated from the bottom of my heart. I don't believe it but yet I just couldn't help feeling sad and wonder all the time whether it was this reason: That I wasn't good enough.

I know, if my girlfriends of my churchies were to see this, I would sure get an earful about my confidence level and my own self-esteem. No, I admit, I might have doubt myself, and I despise myself for it. It isn't what everybody does and it gives yourself a HORRIBLE feeling. But at the end of the day, I just couldn't help but wonder, was I really good enough.

It has been almost 2years? Or at least close to 2 years since that god-awful event happened. &the saddest thing is that till now, I'm still thinking about it. Maybe not as frequent as before, but once in a while, I still think about it. I couldn't help it. And to date, I can never forget the comment that Wc said..

He said (I'm not quoting) - that even though she and I don't look alike, we think alike, we like the same things and all.

&after hearing that sentence, I was like -.- with it. So, incidentally, he just fall for another girl who is probably exactly like me, but just looks different. Heck, maybe it did make me feel slightly better, but I didn't believe a single word about that. So the years passed, I so happened to come across her tumblr. Whether by fate or by choice, I don't know. But when I saw the pictures she posted, I pretty much understand what Wc was trying to tell me. I know for the fact, we might think alike from meetings when I sat down and talked to her twice. We pretty much liked the same kind of pictures as well. Well of course there were some difference, but the rest is like.. I don't know. It doesn't make me feel anything at all.

So what if this was the case? That shitty thing still happened and I can't get over it. I despise myself for this. &everytime I think about about how I was fooled and lied to over and over again, or how I begged him to not leave me. I felt a sense of self-pity washing over myself. It's like another stab to the confidence level and it just keeps getting worse. I told myself, I am NEVER going to compare myself again. But everyone was raised in an environment where everyone was compared with anyone. It's like a brenchmark in the society. &I couldn't help it. I tried, definitely and failed miserably.

Right so here I am, overwhelmed with self-pity. Trying my best to forget the ghastly past that I have live through. Yes it's all part of my memories, the kind that I would love to eliminate off. &I reckon Wc, that maybe even waiting three years wouldn't even change a thing. Three years wouldn't change the fact that I can't trust you, or any guy for that matter anymore. Of course other than God &my Dad. That's all. Ugh, I need to go now. Maybe, going into prayer mode. I need to hold myself together. Yes, I am a strong person, I will and must get over this.


Ps; I hate myself for this.